Circle of Responsibility

Setting the Example

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting is setting the example. We are so close to the situation that at times it is hard to step out of it and look at it from another perspective. Do you find yourself walking yourself into a corner with your children or spouse?

What outcomes do you desire? What would you really like your family life to be like? Are there changes that need to be made? Life is all about results, and results are all based on the thoughts we think. So begin thinking of how you really want your family to be. Journal the ideas, and get a clear image of how you interact with one another. Look into the future and envision your children as adults. What kind of person are they? What are the values you hope they have?

Now that you have a clear picture of what you want, the results or outcomes of your family life, answer this question. What is the primary cause of your results? Take a minute or two and really contemplate this question. What is the primary cause of your results?

Now I will share with you something that we have learned along the way in our journey. The primary cause of our results is our Attitude! So what is attitude? I am sure that you have been told at some point in your life to change your attitude, or improve your attitude. You may even have said this to your own children. If our children really do not know what attitude is, how can we expect them to change or improve it?

Our attitude consists of three things. These three things are our

You will notice that we put them in a circle. This is called our circle of responsibility. When we are taking responsibility for the thoughts that we think and the feelings we feel and actions we take we are living within our circle of responsibility. Whenever we are allowing the conditions, or circumstances outside of us to determine how we think, feel or act we are living outside of this circle of responsibility.

So what are some ways we jump outside of this circle? Write down some of the thoughts you have had today. Which ones are in harmony with the desires that you wrote down earlier? If your desires are to have a family that enjoys being together and you were thinking sometime today how good if feels when your children do have moments of cooperative play time together, then you were in your circle of responsibility. You chose to notice the moments that demonstrate your desires. If your thoughts were of how tired you are of always having to tell everyone to do their chores, then you are probably beginning to feel frustrated and your actions may be ones that are far from the desires that you want. You are now out of that circle of responsibility.

Can you use this idea with children? I say YES! Make a poster of the circle of responsibility to hang somewhere where everyone will see it. Share with them how important their thoughts are. When you are thinking thoughts of how good it felt seeing your children playing together happily, even if it doesn’t happen all the time, but you choose to acknowledge the event that is in harmony with your desires, what are you feeling? Probably pretty good inside, because it does feel so wonderful when our children are having a great time together all on their own. What actions would you take? Maybe you might tell them later how you were watching them and how it made you feel and you might want to hug them and thank them.

When we find ourselves in a ‘bad’ attitude, we can help each other with kindness to work at choosing some new thoughts and jumping back into the circle of responsibility. Maybe help brainstorm with them some possible thoughts that might help them move into a better space. There are times when we will be out of the circle. Some of these times it is important to talk about why, and validate the person for feeling the way they do. When you look at where the actions took them you might ask, ‘is this really the person you want to be?’ ‘is this what you want to be feeling right now?’ ‘What could you do to be more of the person you want to be and feel?’ If we allow all the negative thoughts, feelings and actions to grow and we do not allow the person to express the reasons behind them, the circle may explode.

Work together with your children. Allow them to help you at times. Encourage them to take charge of their thoughts, and to work through the moments that are difficult. When we allow ourselves to be human, forgive and move on we are setting a realistic example for our children. The circle of responsibility is a tool you can use in your family to realize that attitude just is. Lets create the one we want and move on!